If it should be: Go with love

First time at a dog show, I’ll tell you quite plain
I’ll never, no never, go near one again.
The Breeder said “show him” when I bought my dog,
I showed him all right, the whole place was agog.

They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn’t bear to stick the thing in,
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue
Than I stuck the card onto his back in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the Puppy Class (this part is the worst).
We marched in together as fast as we were able
Arrived at the judge who said “up on the table”.

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn’t make it, try hard as I might.
The Judge looked quite worried, he said “listen here,
Put your dog on the table, not yourself, my dear”.

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But I said to myself… “play it cool, play it cool”.
“How old?” asked the Judge, I heard it quite clear
Well really, I though, and said “thirty next year”.

The steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit.
He spluttered, he coughed, and his eyes ran a bit.
“I’d have that cough seen to” I said to him when
He’d finally stopped….. then he started again.

“once round the ring, dear, as fast as you can”
Said the judge, so I did, I just ran and ran,
But when I arrived (out of breath, I’ll admit)
The judge said “your dog, dear” – I felt like a twit.

Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so spicy, has she got it made.

We came back to the judge who said with a frown
“stand your dog”. I said “please sir, he’s not lying down”.
“you can take First Place stand” he said, I said “ta”.
What a job I had getting that stand into the car!

Woman And Home

A while ago I was approached by Woman & Home, who asked if they could interview me for an article in the November 2012 edition of their magazine. Of course I agreed! It was a lot of fun, especially the photo shoot during which I was given three outfits to wear. Photos were taken in each of these outfits. Here are a couple of “action shots” in the outfit that was eventually chosen and used in the publication, as well as one of the others. Note the high heels. I couldn’t walk in them, so walked barefoot onto the set, and then put them on. What super people to work with – the jokes flowed constantly which helped to keep the atmosphere relaxed and fun.

Apart from getting to wear some lovely clothes, my make-up was put on for me, and my hair ironed. I hope that the other folk that appear in Woman&Home enjoyed their experience as much as I did.

The Welcome

The following is a wonderful little story that I came across many years ago. No-one seems to know who the original author was, which is a pity as it is such a wonderful piece, and so typical of our wonderful doggy friends. I hope you enjoy it as much as I always do.

I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she’s coming this way! Oh, oh, I must run in and grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift! Oh, ‘BONK’ missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over, doggy door! She’s coming, she’s coming! Gift, gift, where, what, oh, oh, oh, ah! A plastic bottle she drinks from, right here on top of the container they call trash! Oh, perfect. She’s coming, she’s coming! Oh, oh, oh… The door! I hear the door sound that sounds right before she comes in!

Oh, it’s OPENING! SHE’S HOME!

Oh, oh, ‘wiggle, wiggle, wiggle’ I cannot be still! You’re home! And look, look, I have this nice bottle! Oh, oh, you’re home! YOU’RE HOME! I have missed you so much, you’ve been gone hours, weeks, days, years! And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little! Oh, oh, oh! You’re home, you’re home! And you’re touching me! I can’t stand it, it’s so marvellous! Oh, and you’re speaking! “Murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble.” YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I’m about to burst! I’m so happy, happy, happy! Yes! I want to jump! I’m not supposed to jump, but oh, oh, just a little jump!

“Off.”
Darn.

Oh, I cannot be still. I’ll roll over and wiggle on my back! Oh, yes! She’s rubbing me – my tummy, my head, my sides! Oh, oh, oh. Now what? Now where’s she going? Oh, oh, yes! Back to the room where we sleep at night! Great! It has the big pad we sleep on and ‘L-E-A-P’ I can get up here close to her. And here she comes! Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck and-uh oh. Can’t lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it’s my present to her! Oh, oh, what to do? And she’s rubbing me! But I want to lick her, oh, oh, I think I’m about to burst!

“Off.”
Oh, darn.

Drop the bottle. Oh, YES! She’s coming back! She took off the pieces she puts on her eyes, and I can stand and ‘lick, lick’ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love ‘lick, lick, lick’ you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear on your face every day, I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you’re rubbing me again! My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh ‘lick, lick, lick’. “Murble, murble, Mac, good boy, murble, murble.”

“Off.”
Darn.

I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur – it’s not very warm fur, I don’t think. How does she do that? And I will get that look on my face that always makes her come and rub me. The look where I roll my eyes up, and keep my head flat here and she will come…and she’s putting on her play skin! YES! We will play-sometime. My tail cannot be still. I am SO happy, happy, happy.

Now she’s going in the room with the wonderful water bowl! I LOVE that water bowl – always cool, clean water! She’ll be out in just a minute, just a minute, just a…..yes, she’s coming! She’s here again. Oh, oh, oh…. Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds. Ah, I know what happens now. Yep, she’s lying down on the big pad there. Now she’ll sleep. But that’s okay. She’s HOME! SHE’S home. She’s home. And she smells tired. So I will lay beside her here and guard her and wait while she sleeps. And when she wakes up she won’t smell so tired. And we’ll play and play.
S-i-g-h. I’ll just rest with her now, and smell her while she sleeps. And wait again.

For, the next thing that happens, HE’LL be home.
And then, oh, oh, zzzzzzzzzzz